It's Not Her
by Minxheart
Summary: A one shot following the immediate reaction of Erin's to Nadia's death. (Loight family fic)


**So sorry for the fact this isn't very christmassy but I have been working on this a while so wanted to publish it!**

I don't understand. She looks so similar. Her hair is the same colour of Raven Black. Her skin the same soft paper white. Her eyes still frozen in terror and pain, still the same dark green as they always were. So many simmilarities, it doesn't make sense. My eyes flicked to Hank, he must see the simmilarities right, he's a good cop and that's what good cops do. They notice things and Hank was one of the best. He would have seen it and he would be looking at me making sure that I know it's not her. He's always looking out for me. He doesn't need to. I'm 29 nearly 30 I can look after myself.

Hank's eyes meet mine and I froze. He's looking at me with sympathy, no that doesn't make sense. He shouldn't be looking at me with sympathy, he's never like this with usual victims. Never. Hank extended an arm towards me and I shrugged it off. She didn't need his sympathy, no the victims family would need his sympathy not me. I looked again and it was clearer. No it definitely couldn't be her, the lips were different. Her lips weren't like that they were fuller and they were a warm red, not that pale peach of the women in front of her.

I looked to Hank again, waiting to see the recognition in his face. He must have noticed it now, he must have, his eyes still shone with tears. "Erin" he said his gruff voice extending the sympathy that his eyes were showing. I shook my head

"It's not her" I said taking a step back away from him. Hank and Jay exchanged a look and Hank looked straight back to me

"Erin" he said ignoring for a second the people around them. "Kid" he repeated when he caught my eyes still looking at the body, still trying to . He caught my wrist as I looked up at him trying to understand what it was he didn't understand.

"It's not her Hank" I said and Jay looked as if he was going to interrupt Hank but Hank shut him down before he had even begun.

"What do you mean?" Hank asked softly

"It's not her, it's not Nadia" I replied just as softly, my voice calm. Hank's hand touched my shoulder and I went as if to shake it off, I just don't understand why

"Give us a minute" Hank said as he steered me away from the sand bank where the girl who looked like Nadia's body lay. He steered me out of any voice range, so that the others couldn't hear what was being said.

"It's not her Hank, she still out there, still out there, with him. We have to find them" I said running my hands through my hair. Hank's hand caught my arm

"Erin. Kid." he started neither times able to quite finish. He stroked my wrist gently "Kid you understand what's going on right?" he asked gently. My eyes narrowed in confusion.

"No" I said honestly "No I don't understand" Hank turned his head to look over to were the SVU unit were standing "Erin, it's Nadia" Hank said

"No" I replied quickly "No" the differences she kept trying to remind herself, there were very clear differences, right. They were there, the eyes weren't that colour they were lighter and the skin... No it wasn't her.

"Erin" he held my hand taking it and leading me back over to the body and my eyes connected with her's and it was then that it became apparent, Nadia was dead. There was no mistaking that face now, the slightly crooked nose from where her pimp had broken it, the small scar over her left eye brow from where her father had beaten her, the mole on her upper neck they were all unique, unique to her, unique to Nadia. My eyes snapped away like they had somehow been burned, the reality of the situation suddenly starting to dawn on her. Nadia was dead, Nadia the girl she had helped, the girl who looked up to her, the girl she had protected, or so she had thought.

My eyes welled up and I fought to keep them down. I couldn't do this. Not here. Not now. Cops didn't do. Voight's didn't do this. Hank's arm extended to touch mine

"Kid" I shrugged the hand off. I didn't need his sympathy now. I couldn't. One look from him and I was sure I'd break down. "Erin" he muttered and the sound of my name, prompted my break down. The tears were now longer repressed for the loss of not only my friend, but of my colleague and of a sister.

"She's dead" I whispered letting the meaning of those words truly wash over me. He placed his hand over mine in a comforting manor trying to reassure me that everything was ok. But it wasn't, Nadia was dead and it was her fault and nothing would be right again.

 **Thanks for reading this, please if you liked leave a review!**


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